Monday, September 7, 2009

Hollahhh Mr. PRES!!! Some skinny to help you with the kiddos.

Dear Most Awesome POTUS:

While you are hacking up your "speech" from those black lungs of yours, please also include a message of the importance of *cough*NOT*cough* smoking to the impressionable children. It should just follow suit with the rest of your smoke and mirrors message, and will really win favor with them;). Ssssshhh. They'll never know you had your own pvt. Gettysburg with that. Good job on quiting BTW. Oh and feel free to mention also that if there happens to ever occur any unwanted pregnancies in their futures, they can always have an abortion(s)!! I mean since your going to be talking to them about responsibility and all, you really need to make clear on that. Seriously. That can only make you look more and more, like, UBER POPULAR!! You miiiiiight want to bite your tongue if you ever feel like saying "Hey if college isn't in the cards, there's always the Special Olympics." We can scratch the first time from History books, but we don't want a repeat of that Jay moment. Know what I'm mean??

OOooooh one more thing. All those awkward pauses and head bobs, kind of make it look like you shotgunned a Red Bull 2 sec's before go time. I'm just saying. Carbonation might not really be your friend...... We wouldn't want any distractions, or a sea of giggles erupting from the young viewers that might discredit your pretty pretty image, now would we*-*!

If all else fails, do a quick little shirt lift, and show them your abs. TOTALLY scored you the points with the A-list Hollywood. Who doesn't luuuuhhve a nice set of abs? Right? Am I right?!?! Well, Good luck tomorrow! I mean of course you'll have good luck. You're No Fail Obama, and anyone who's anyone is YOUR anyone.

Major kuddo's <3>
Your ever-loving, front row, groupie worshiper.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I have to make this known.

I hate the Louis Armstrong song "Wonderful World". Those nature email forwards that flash beautiful scenery with that song lulling in the back ground annoy the crap out me. It is not that special of a song. Every note he sings is watered down. I'm going to start using "watered down" to start describing everything. Your make-up looks watered down. This key lime pie tastes watered down. That joke was watered down. See it works with EVERYTHING.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wow. I havn't blogged in a while.

Gee's. I feel like the brain fried zombie unable to compute two complete thoughts to even make a point. Ya, see. That didn't make sense to me either.

This semester is kicking my butt. Tryin to find the moto to be spirit-yo for Bro. Hardy-o's Book of Mo class. Trying to even keep interest in the uber boring personal finance class [I think people need to adopt the word UBER into their language more] and then mustering through the computer class of Brother Richard A. Roper who only looks up through the top right of his glasses rims, batting his eyes while trying to dance around the questions you ask him because he wants you to do everything ON YOUR OWN. I don't let him though. I make him help me. He sushed me the other day. He even put his hand up in the halting position. Not the arm extended faced turned the other way "talk to the hand" halt. But the arm across the mid waste stern prudeish halt.

I have this new job at Outback Steakhouse. It's draining me too. I go from LDSBC {insert lofty spiritual desciption here} to a restaurant {insert satan's reigning territory description here}. There was this bartender who was talking to another girl that worked there. He starts to go off on the movie Religulous or something like that, and how they came to Salt Lake and tried the got kicked out of the temple. Then he procedes to tell her that Mormons believe that we get our own planet. I was standing right there. I had to correct him. NO WHERE does it say sign here for you own planet in any of the doctrine. He then has to insist to me that we do teach it and I should "check into it" uhhhh I live and practice the religion. The weird thing is I'm not going to go to some neo-nazi camp in Northern Idaho for info on the Judaism religion, then go to some practicing Jew and insit to them what they teach. His nickname is Mo-fo. If you are nicknamed Mo-fo you should not be allowed to talk. Since people nicknamed you that because they don't like what you have to say. Actually he's a pretty nice guy.

And there is this older guy Kyle-the-yellow-dart (Strongbad anyone?), I like to refer to him as who is always like "I see you tried to call me last night" and I'm all "Gross."

I don't know how, and don't think I ever will, to spell the words exercize, nessicary, & successfull correctly. Something to do with double letters and the c's and s's. There's another one too I can't think of....

I think I'm gonna go make a batch of nobake cookies to fulfill my chocolate craving. Since I can't wake Gabe up to go to the Sev. Poor kid. We got our car broken into and he's been waking up EVERY NIGHT freaked out that they'll come back. He got his hair cut short too. It's really hard for me to cut his hair but it's what he wanted. I think he gets more of an attitude with shorter hair. Do you think hair length has anything to do with dispositions?

Monday, January 12, 2009

The delectation of pontificating linguistic form in order to loom alert is diverting to me.

In layman's* terms: The joy of using big words in order to appear smart is fun for me.

For all of the other times that a "big word" doesn't come to mind, I'm just going to make a point and then follow up with. "I'm surprised you didn't know that."

* layman's terms (not to be confused with Laman from the Book of Mormon. Which for a long time I used to think that's what it referred to. We're not rewording things into a way that Laman would say them.) is the intelligent way of saying "dumb it down". Which it actually is a contradictory phrase. If people don't actually know what "put it in layman's terms" means (which a lot don't), then the meaning of the phrase defeats its purpose. See what I'm saying?

Wishes DO Come True....

Thanksgiving Gabriel won the wishbone breaking thing. He didn't keep his wish to himself and said that he wanted a NEW BABY!!!
Look what Santa left for us under our tree this year!!

(via Scott and Nicole)