While you are hacking up your "speech" from those black lungs of yours, please also include a message of the importance of *cough*NOT*cough* smoking to the impressionable children. It should just follow suit with the rest of your smoke and mirrors message, and will really win favor with them;). Ssssshhh. They'll never know you had your own pvt. Gettysburg with that. Good job on quiting BTW. Oh and feel free to mention also that if there happens to ever occur any unwanted pregnancies in their futures, they can always have an abortion(s)!! I mean since your going to be talking to them about responsibility and all, you really need to make clear on that. Seriously. That can only make you look more and more, like, UBER POPULAR!! You miiiiiight want to bite your tongue if you ever feel like saying "Hey if college isn't in the cards, there's always the Special Olympics." We can scratch the first time from History books, but we don't want a repeat of that Jay moment. Know what I'm mean??
OOooooh one more thing. All those awkward pauses and head bobs, kind of make it look like you shotgunned a Red Bull 2 sec's before go time. I'm just saying. Carbonation might not really be your friend...... We wouldn't want any distractions, or a sea of giggles erupting from the young viewers that might discredit your pretty pretty image, now would we*-*!
If all else fails, do a quick little shirt lift, and show them your abs. TOTALLY scored you the points with the A-list Hollywood. Who doesn't luuuuhhve a nice set of abs? Right? Am I right?!?! Well, Good luck tomorrow! I mean of course you'll have good luck. You're No Fail Obama, and anyone who's anyone is YOUR anyone.
Major kuddo's <3>
Your ever-loving, front row, groupie worshiper.