I'm going to school for something I can't even spell.

I think I've mentioned this before that there are certian words for me that I will never be able to spell no matter what. Like receive. That whole i before e rule except when there is a double pp before a third vowel sound...I don't know. Just don't put two vowels together...it's not needed. Anyway, I started school this week to become and estitician...HOLD ON while I google search the correct spelling. ESTHETICIAN. I started school for that. Do you know what you get with a building full of girl beauty students and a few fruits...a bachelor episode minus that cute guy everyone wants to make out with during break. No, the fruits aren't cute. That's a myth that all gay guys are hot. I'm not competitive! And the energy there is so insecure and competitive. Luckily for me, that's mainly with the cosmotology (big word for HAIR) students. There is a little bit of competitiveness with esthetics cuz the markets slower. Anyway, we're going to school to aquire skills to make civilians (Seriously what is it with the army labeling with that word? The snobby word for commoners?) more beautiful on the outside. Fortunatly all students have to do is look around at their peers to see who's the text book example of what to do or not to do. And surface beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. You can't please them all.

Have you ever gone to a salon and even though you got a cute hair cut you still walk out of there feeling SOO ugly? Seriously, there is something to that environments energy. Worldly or something. I'm guilty of judging too, though!! That's because I feel insecure. To make matters worse, Gabriel, the little twirp, flat out admitted he thinks I'm ugly. He was't kidding. I'm sure he'll tell you if you want to call and ask him.

It's been a stressful week and I was almost justified in wanting to come home and not watch the Relief Society Broadcast, but I did, for the first time ever! President Monson's story of the ugly old man was very poignant. He said something like "Appearances can be so decieving; such a poor measure of a person. The Savior said 'Judge not according to apperance'" I'm going to print out his talk and pass it out. I need to remember that with my learning there. I need to channel my focus on while, yes I am learning how to help people look better on the outside, trying to see them, their souls. So they feel better on the inside when they're done with my services rendered to them. I don't know how to do that yet. If I don't even feel that way, how can I make someone else? Oh, stop judging others myself! That's where I'll start. This will go along with my goal to be positive. My class isn't so bad for the petiness. I'm only in a room with 17 girls. 10 of them in the class above me, so only 7 at the same level. One of the older girls is kinda mean, she's manly though. Her voice is full on baritone. Truthfully, and I'm not trying to be negative, I just don't like being around all girls. I don't relate well and I just don't trust them. Plus so many of them are in the self discovery phase and they don't realize they're just trying to pass of trendy as original. Myself included a little. Which is a litte discourage because how do you really stand out? What makes a person shine? I don't shine.

I really do like this program and it feels right to be there. I didn't even want to do it. My aunt who worked at a salon talked me into it and it worked to go. I had nothing else going for me. I had toyed with the idea (I almost just spelled that eyedea! I'm so tired) of going into French and becoming a language teacher, but then I experienced crazy with BSU French Professor Will Browning, that shot that eyedea down. So I looked into the esth. program, got the funding to do it, and voila. Everytime I would think about not doing it, or think about doing something else, I would get kind of sick. It's not something I ever saw myself doing. I'm not that into it yet, but if I focus, I do think I could become really passionate about it. It is really fascinating. I'm just kind of an all or nothing person and I don't want to do something unless I know I can be good at it. Phenomenal at it. I never really had to worry about that in college. Because I just mostly did generals and that came really easy to me. It's the speacialty classes your self-esteem is on the line.

I have a lot riding on this. So I need to make it work! And get a kick A job at a high end resort or something, and doing photo shoot make-up application.



Isn't this a face of Beauty??





Goodnight!